Fridays are Headache Days. As I sit here at work downtown, waiting for a student to call me and give me her new address (and hopefully to cancel today’s lesson), my head throbbing and my feet hurting (new shoes. red and lovely, but they’re ruining my feet.), I wonder WHAT THE FUCK I’M DOING HERE. I mean, our lifestyle is so pathetic. I remember this enlightening moment Dad and I had the other day, while sitting in the car, waiting to park somewhere in a mall, car fumes everywhere, hot as hell, both of us tired after a hard day’s work. We looked at each other and telepathically decided to leave before we went mad. Wise decision. I feel pretty much the same way right now – why am I here? What am I accomplishing? Why am I killing myself at work, staying up late and waking up early, no time to exercise, or to read a book except in the subway, or to just sit down and watch a movie? What for? To save money, you’d say, and yes, that’s true, alas, I wouldn’t be going to Italy in two weeks if I hadn’t saved money. Or maybe I would? Some people are always broke, and somehow they always seem to be doing something interesting. My life right now is soooo far from interesting. And I don’t even have someone to complain to, to ask for a backrub, to cook for, to be a companion to. I feel absolutely lost, without any clear clue of what to do, except that I know that I MUST do something soon or I’ll snap. Life can’t be this useless, come on, there’s got to be a purpose for all this!

I *am* going to a ballet tonight, and that’s a comforting thought, especially ‘ cause this time I’m not going alone. Being alone sucks sooo very much. Sometimes I like to tell myself that one gets used to loneliness, but I’m not very good at convincing people.

But we’ll see what the tide brings. Italy is near, and so (hopefully, oh please please) is NYC.